All that glitters is not gold.

Bill was right.

Fit Guy from school and I have been talking for a while. None of that sexting malarky. But we both have said that sex is important. He then mentioned he hadn't had any in a while. I joked and mentioned the film Friends With Benefits. We laughed, however the more it was mentioned, the more it made sense.

I went over to his, and we both knew what I was there for. Rather than go into the living room, as we usually do, he took me straight to his bedroom. After some talking, and standing around in his bedroom in an awkward stance, he asked how this was supposed to work. I replied it was probably an idea to start kissing and then that would lead us to sex.

He's a good kisser. I'm expecting fireworks. He was also the hottest guy in school, and even an absolutely stunning friend of mine from the other side of the world has talked about how hot he is. Then again, she likes that Robert what's his face from Twilight.  Seriously though, this guy is HOT! So, we're standing kissing and his hands are under my top. They start going up extremely slowly. I know that he's trying to take my top off so I start laughing. Hot Guy looks perplexed and I have to explain to him that I know what he's trying to do and we both know why I'm there, so don't be so subtle about it. Just say "take your fucking top off" and move on. He follows my instructions to give me instructions and I end up taking my top off.

"Take your fucking jeans off" I hear. Someone is having a power trip. Hang on a second. I've got skinny jeans on and they're a bitch to take off. So, as I stumble around his bedroom trying to remove my jeans, I realise just how unsexy I look. Shame on me. This is Hot Guy. They come off, but I leave my socks on. I don't want to have cold feet. Plus, I don't care for feet. Great for walking around on though.

Lots of kissing later and he's ready for the main event. WOAH WOAH WOAH! Where's the foreplay? Shame on him! But he's Fit Guy so I let him off.

Oh my gosh! That man has all of the equipment, and more. This might be pretty good. Oh, wait. He is a man with all of the equipment, but unfortunately he hasn't read the manual. I can't quite put my finger on it. The old me would have thought gorgeous guy + very big penis = amazing sex. Maybe gorgeous people feel as though they don't have to try. But then again, Tattoo Guy is stunning, and he always gives me a 'pleasant' evening in.

When I leave, he apologises for the shit sex. Awkward. How do I respond?

a) It wasn't.
b) You're right, it was fucking awful!
c) Sorry, but do I know you?

I chose the first one.

We've spoken since, just not about sex.

What I can say about my experience with Fit Guy is that we were both quite mature and honest about the whole thing. We were not looking to ride off into the sunset together. We just wanted sex. And we got it. It hasn't ruined our friendship either.

Let's move on to Housemate Guy. I went on a date with him. It was quite nice. He said we should do it again, but I'm not sure. Nice guy but he still plays texting games and that doesn't interest me.

I prefer Scrabble

Things have been ticking along nicely. I'm still seeing Tattoo Guy, but not as often as I'd like. To be honest, when I saw him last week I wasn't too impressed. His skills had declined rapidly and when we decided to 'chill' on his sofa, I fell asleep. Probably not the 'fuck fest' we were both hoping for.

Do you believe in fate? Personally, I'm not one for it. Well, that is until Housemate Guy steps in. This is not my housemate. Just really wanted to clarify this.

A little over a month ago it was a work friend's birthday and he had decided that we should all dress up as Wally from the literary classic 'Where's Wally?' and so there I was dressed up as, well, Wally. And that's how I felt too. But I put on some heels and did my make up so at least I was a sexy Wally. If there is such a thing.

Before going to the Birthday Boy's house, I popped to another work friend's house to do some prinking (pre-drinking). I knocked on the door and a tall, good looking guy with glasses (I'm a sucker for a man in glasses) answered the door and told me where her room was.

She was doing her hair when I walked into her room. I didn't even say hello. I told her that her housemate was 'beyond fit' and that she had to hook me up with him.

So let's fast forward a few weeks. The nights are darker, the temperature has fallen and my nose is runny. As you're aware I'm on Match, and I start a conversation with a guy who's from down the road. He seems intelligent, and he's into some of the same things as me. He continues by saying that he's not actually a subscriber to Match, but gave me his name and told me to look him up on Facebook.

I did.

One mutual friend.

Oh, it's my work colleague.

Oh my gosh! It's her fit housemate!

I actually found this out whilst at work. But she was busy and I couldn't burst in on her. As soon as it was time for lunch I burst out with the news. I couldn't stop myself.

She told me that he was a lovely guy and that I should be nice to him, and not my 'maneater' self.

But is he a nice guy? Is he being a bit of a prick? Or is he playing the game? On Facebook, you can see when someone reads a message that you have sent them. I sent him a message. He read it. He replied an hour later. I repied straight away. He read it. He replied 2 hours later.

My friend told me that he's playing the game and that she did it with her current boyfriend. If she took 2 hours to respond to a text, then he took 3 hours to respond to a text message. I just do not understand this at all. How can you possibly hold a decent conversation with someone when you send them 2 messages a day?

We've been talking for over a week now, and I'm still waiting to be asked out on a date. Tick tock. Tick tock.

This is not an enjoyable game.