All that glitters is not gold.

Bill was right.

Fit Guy from school and I have been talking for a while. None of that sexting malarky. But we both have said that sex is important. He then mentioned he hadn't had any in a while. I joked and mentioned the film Friends With Benefits. We laughed, however the more it was mentioned, the more it made sense.

I went over to his, and we both knew what I was there for. Rather than go into the living room, as we usually do, he took me straight to his bedroom. After some talking, and standing around in his bedroom in an awkward stance, he asked how this was supposed to work. I replied it was probably an idea to start kissing and then that would lead us to sex.

He's a good kisser. I'm expecting fireworks. He was also the hottest guy in school, and even an absolutely stunning friend of mine from the other side of the world has talked about how hot he is. Then again, she likes that Robert what's his face from Twilight.  Seriously though, this guy is HOT! So, we're standing kissing and his hands are under my top. They start going up extremely slowly. I know that he's trying to take my top off so I start laughing. Hot Guy looks perplexed and I have to explain to him that I know what he's trying to do and we both know why I'm there, so don't be so subtle about it. Just say "take your fucking top off" and move on. He follows my instructions to give me instructions and I end up taking my top off.

"Take your fucking jeans off" I hear. Someone is having a power trip. Hang on a second. I've got skinny jeans on and they're a bitch to take off. So, as I stumble around his bedroom trying to remove my jeans, I realise just how unsexy I look. Shame on me. This is Hot Guy. They come off, but I leave my socks on. I don't want to have cold feet. Plus, I don't care for feet. Great for walking around on though.

Lots of kissing later and he's ready for the main event. WOAH WOAH WOAH! Where's the foreplay? Shame on him! But he's Fit Guy so I let him off.

Oh my gosh! That man has all of the equipment, and more. This might be pretty good. Oh, wait. He is a man with all of the equipment, but unfortunately he hasn't read the manual. I can't quite put my finger on it. The old me would have thought gorgeous guy + very big penis = amazing sex. Maybe gorgeous people feel as though they don't have to try. But then again, Tattoo Guy is stunning, and he always gives me a 'pleasant' evening in.

When I leave, he apologises for the shit sex. Awkward. How do I respond?

a) It wasn't.
b) You're right, it was fucking awful!
c) Sorry, but do I know you?

I chose the first one.

We've spoken since, just not about sex.

What I can say about my experience with Fit Guy is that we were both quite mature and honest about the whole thing. We were not looking to ride off into the sunset together. We just wanted sex. And we got it. It hasn't ruined our friendship either.

Let's move on to Housemate Guy. I went on a date with him. It was quite nice. He said we should do it again, but I'm not sure. Nice guy but he still plays texting games and that doesn't interest me.