To rent or buy?

Recently, I've been considering moving out of the house that I share with a male friend. He owns the house and sometimes it feels as though I'm the guest. So, I've been having a mooch at property websites. I can't afford to buy a house, and with my future in this country being questionable anyway, renting is the only option. But it's still so much hard work. You have to find one, like it, spend money on it and live with your choice. A big investment of your time. Just like men.

I've obviously bought one before, until the cracks started to appear and the whole thing subsided. Since then, I've been renting. I'm waiting for a good investment to come along. Something with character, a strong foundation, and let's not forget a big chimney!  

Since my last blog post, I've viewed three potential properties. Let's have a look through the key hole... 

What's in a name? That which we call a rose

By any other name would smell as sweet.

 

 

Juliet Capulet didn't have a clue what she was talking about. Not only did she kiss a guy after 14 lines spoken between them, although I've also done that, but she gave her life for him too. Idiot. Now, we all know  the story of Romeo and Juliet. It is their names that keep them apart. Well, that's with good reason.

 

I met a guy on Match who was absolutely perfect. Not only was he completing a PhD at a very good university, played numerous instruments, enjoyed seeing the world and reading a variety of literature, but he also played rugby too and was gorgeous.

 

This guy was pure marriage material. So, I'd tell friends about our lovely first date at a local quiz. Then they would ask me his name. As you know, I have code names for guys on my blog, so I'll keep it the same for this one. Let's just say, when I told people his name, they couldn't stop laughing. I couldn't get past it. It's over between us. But please don't judge me. He also made fatal errors on the date as well as date number 2. The name was just the straw that broke the camel's back.

 

Property number two was much more aesthetically pleasing! A girly night out with a colleague which started with cocktails and a gig ended with her bumping into someone she used to work with in France on her gap year. Very random as he lives 2 hours away.

 

As we went to the bathroom, she told me that he thought I was cute. Are you effing kidding me? He is drop dead gorgeous!

 

We made our way back. I started a conversation with him and we chatted. I asked if he wanted a drink and we made our way towards the bar in a very hectic pub. He grabbed my hand. Giggle. And we kissed as we got to the bar.

 

The remainder of the night consisted of us kissing constantly. I'm not complaining though. France Guy was a pretty darn good kisser. At one point, as we smooched on the dance floor, he leant me backwards. This was going to look just like the old black and white films. People would look at us and think that we were so glamorous and romantic. That didn't happen. He leant me so far back that we both fell over. It was in slow motion. He landed on top of me. Again, I'm not complaining. My friend nearly wet herself laughing at us and couldn't even help us up. Glamorous.

 

Now, let's have a look at property number 3. I've joined another dating site and he was on there. We hit it off straight away, and within 24 hours of initial contact, we had spoken on the phone and had Skyped with one another.

 

Funny, works with children, plays guitar, nice hair, has lived abroad...

 

Yep, he sounds like a good investment to me. Maybe I should try this one out.

 

Date number one consisted of going for a meal. It was odd meeting him as we had already Skyped for around 10 hours previously. I felt incredibly comfortable with him and we spoke to one another as though we had known each other for, well, 10 hours.

 

With me on my date (I never travel alone) was my ear infection. I had lost hearing in my right ear. Fun. So when he asked where I wanted to go afterwards, my reply was somewhere quiet. He suggested his house. I said yes. Now, I would never ever usually go back to a guy's house on the first date. I think it's trashy. However, I felt really comfortable with him.

 

Back at his we kissed and cuddled on his bed. We then did more things. But not the big thing. You know what I'm talking about - renovating the front porch. This wasn't because the painters and decorators were in though. We both have said that we would want to wait until we were 100% comfortable. I like that he's said this. He gets house points for that one.

 

We started off with three promising properties. Let's examine:

 

1) Name Guy just didn't feel right.

2) France Guy isn't in the right location.

3) Cuba Guy is promising for a good rent. Maybe even buying.

 

I've recently heard that men are like apartments. They're hard to find and when you find them then you're scared to sign the contract. I'm good at finding them, but now after a year of being homeless, am I ready for a contract? Could I be moving to Cuba?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 





You again?

In my last post you will have noticed that I have been a little miffed that my ex keeps indirectly popping up in my life. So imagine my face when we saw each other, 10 days short of a year from breaking up with him, in my gym. Yes, that's right ladies and gents. Awkward!

I stood in the line for the cross trainer and looked across towards the weights. I saw his face in the reflection. He was lifting weights. I scrambled onto the machine trying to play it cool. He doesn't see me. Well, I'm assuming he didn't see me. Mainly because as I was about to get onto the bike, he saw me in the reflection and turned around. His face was less than friendly and I had a face as if it had been smacked with mackerel.

Pushing my body to the limit on the bike, I decided to stop and leave. Oh shit! To leave the gym I would have to pass the mats where he had moved to in order to work with kettle weights. Neither of us looked at one another.

Why can't he just fuck off?

Ah, so it is a small world after all!

The Disney ride doesn't lie.

Are you ready for this? Take a big breath now and see how shitty my life really is after leaving my ex of 8 and a half years. I can't escape him!

A couple of weeks ago on Facebook, which is quickly becoming the devil's toy, I noticed that a friend of mine was in a photo with my ex. That's certainly odd. I mean, they never knew each other when we were dating; she was a friend who I went on a training course with.

That photo played on my mind.

I also managed to make the mistake of getting a job at a place where my ex's cousin works. We used to get on so well and go to each other's houses, go to family weddings together and talk really openly and honestly with one another. I remember very early on in the relationship I thought I might be pregnant and she was the one who I took advice from. Seeing her at work is not easy.

She plays on my mind.

Another photo on my friend's Facebook appears of some sort of cake creation with my ex tagged in it. The cake is on the coffee table at her house. I see his feet perched upon the table in the background. Hmm, he never put his feet up at mine. I wonder if he's moved in with her.

I tell a work colleague about this and have my little moan. I tell her my theory on how I think he's moved to an area very, very close to where I live.

That night, my colleague sends me a text saying that she's seen our other colleague (ex's cousin) in my favourite pub and he was with him. It turns out that he has moved to the local area and she was showing him around.

We always wanted to live together. Unfortunately, we never lived closer than a 30 minute drive from each other. Now it's 5 minutes. If that!

The location of his new house plays on my mind. I know you can see a theme here. Well done.

So feeling a bit low last night, I decide that I will go out for dinner with Housemate Guy. It turns out he doesn't have a girlfriend. We do have a nice time, apart from him asking me back to his constantly. No means no. Argh.

Discussion moves on, and I notice that he's friends on Facebook with the girl who I went on a course with. It turns out that they lived in the same house briefly. Oh really? I tell him my ex lives there now. He says his name. He's met him.

I can't even see a fucking guy without my ex popping up. He's a plague! He's with me at work, in my pub, with guys who I see, he sees my colleaugues, and he lives with someone I know and in a location very close to where I live.

Why can't he just be out of my life? Why can't I just move on? I just want to rest/live/drink in peace.

Plan:
Take Spanish evening classes at the local university. Learn Spanish. Move to central/south America.

And a milkshake for the gentleman sil vous plait.

I really fancied some fried chicken this week, particularly after a gruelling day at work. Hmm, who would come with me to TGIs? I'll ask 21 year old.

As I walked to his car I sent a message saying 'giggle' to a work friend who knew I was meeting him. It was all very exciting. A date with a 21 year old who has a car! Hang on, I need to make sure that I realise that I'm not actually a 16 year old. Check!

We were told we'd have to wait 30 minutes for a table, but that wouldn't be that much of an issue as we could go to the bar. After that day at work, I was more than ready for an alcoholic beverage. 21 year old guy, what would you like? I'll get this.

What? Seriously? That's what you want? Erm... OK.

One cocktail and one... Oreo milkshake.

Awkward.

I decided that I'd pay for dinner, after all he's on considerably less money than me. It's only TGIs. No big deal. At this point I do feel a little like a sugar mama. Is a sugar mama defined by what she gets in return? Just wondering because I got a 10 minute snog and a very immature grope in his car. That's on his part. I know how to grope properly! Just wanted to clear that up.

He asked if I wanted to get a hotel room in the near future. It was under consideration, but the more I think about it, do I really want to? Yes it was cute kissing him in his car, and he is indeed super cute! Really nice hair. Something you'd expect to see on a young adult. But it's not quite sexy. Sexy is Ryan Gosling, not Harry Styles. Channing Tatum is also super sexy.

21 year old guy keeps sending me messages asking when he can kiss me again. I keep putting it off. It's obvious that now it's pretty much over.

I'm no sugar mama. I want a sugar daddy! Actually, that's not true either otherwise I'd be fucking my very own Christian Grey for goodies. So, I don't want to look after someone, I don't want to be looked after, I don't want commitment, but I do want someone to cuddle. And not a teddy. A real man who spoons me and kisses my neck. A real man who doesn't send me messages every 5 minutes, but does ask me if I'm OK every once in a while. A real man who asks me if I want to get a drink after a bad day.

So confusing. But I guess that it is safe to say that a guy who orders a milkshake at a bar is definitely not for me.

Cougar?

My sex drive is back. Yay! Let the mash see the sausage!

I'm sitting here, completely horny as fuck. But once again I have no one to do the deed with. Well, that's a lie.

I have a friend who is 21. I've worked with him in the past and had a fab time. A fairly good bloke. He's a little immature, but he's 21. Good for him! Feeling a little bored last weekend, he suggested we meet up and have a 'fun day'. Ooh, that does sound fun.

Meal, mini golf, arcade and cinema. He was right. Fun.

However, he now wants to start a relationship with me. He keeps saying how much he likes me, and that I'm this and that. My issue is his age. He really is a great guy, but he is also 21. I feel like a cougar. There's only 5 and a half years between us, and I know that really it's nothing. But he's 21. I've never dated a younger guy before, especially one who has not long left his teens.

Colleagues think that I should just go for it. I told them my theory on younger men being shit in bed, but they say that I could train him. Maybe they're right. He does seem eager and willing. But (another one) I couldn't imagine going to meet his parents and him introducing me as his 27 year old girlfriend who has a 'grown up' job, when he's barely left college.

In addition to that, he did officially ask me out. Here's the conversation:

Him: Do you live near *insert area close to my house here*?

Me: Yep. Why?

Him: I have a £10 voucher for Ask Italian. Fancy it?

I'm sure you can see my issue here. Bless him, it's all very sweet but can I really date someone who is that young?

He had even told me after our 'fun day' that when he showered in the morning, he used the aftershave shower gel as well as the aftershave so he would smell nice for me. When I told a friend at work this, she howled with laughter. And I agree.

21 year old guy is absolutely lovely. But he's 21. New realisation: I didn't realise that age was that important to me.

Should I let the mash see the chipolata?

Sissy Spacek has nothing on me

Hello there. I sure do need to slow down. I'm exhausted from all of my man eating! Pass me the salt and pepper please. Nom nom nom!

I met up with Hull Guy and he was absolutely lovely. He was completely on my level, and we even took the piss out of the couple on the table next to us who were quite obviously on a first date and having that first date discussion. It feels like I've known Hull Guy for ages, and I was really at home with him. Promising.

From the delicious steak house, we went to a cocktail bar where I had a... ahem... virgin cocktail. Gosh, it's been a while since I've had that word associated with me!

As we walked past the town hall which was lit up beautifully, he kissed me. And it was perfect. We made our way to his car, and his hands were wondering as we got lost around the city. I told him no and that I wanted to be respected. Good girl!  

Didn't last long!

He pulled up in front of mine and we kissed and kissed and kissed some more. His hands wondered, and I let them. Oops. I told you that I wasn't much of a lady!

He begged to come in to my house so he could make me orgasm. Well, OK, just one but then you have to leave. And one orgasm later (not through sex) he wouldn't leave. He kept kissing me and telling me he wanted to give me one more. At 2.30am, I was sleepy and reminded him that he had a long drive home. But he kept kissing me as I led him towards the door. Hint hint, right? Such a pain in my ass. No wait, I mean a pain in my neck. 2 days later and my neck still hurts from kissing the 6ft man. I need to find a shorter guy. Not even Deep Heat has helped!

Yesterday I received numerous messages from him saying that I was beautiful, pretty and that he hoped that I liked him. This all seems a bit needy to me. He noticed I went a little quiet and mentioned it, and I had to say that he seems a little intense. Don't call me heartless, but he is a little lost puppy. A cute one at that. He's even admitted that girls walk all over him because he's like this. I really don't want to be one of them. He needs to man up a bit.

Right, who's next? Any takers? OK, you there. Yes, you. Mexico Guy come on up. Myself and Mexico Guy have already had some fun Skyping. So it was decided today that we'd have some fun on Skype whilst I had a 'sexy' shower. Trust me when I say that there was nothing at all sexy about this.

Let's look back at the title of this post. Sissy Spacek. Who's that? Well, she's an actress known for her roles in Four Christmases (2008) and The Help (2011). Hmm, wait. Wasn't she in another film? Wasn't it a classic horror film from 1976 about a teenage girl who has telekinesis? Carrie!

I'm certainly not a teenage girl and I do not possess the powers of telekinesis. So how can this Skype ever relate to Sissy Spacek? Let me take you about 40 minutes prior to the Skype message. I had started to dye my hair red. The shower was to take the dye out of my hair. Wrong time to Skype.



It looked like a bloodbath. Not only that, because I had the shower door open, the dye sprayed everywhere and now I have to do a boil wash for the bath mat.

Note to self: try not to look like Carrie covered in blood when you're trying to be sexy in the shower.

Chest pains

The date with Academic Guy did not go particularly well. Not only was he incredibly boring and dull, but I had to leave early.

He's from Yorkshire and I adore the accent, but apart from that it was hard work. Anyone who knows me will say that I can talk for England. I don't really have an issue with talking to new people, and the problem is shutting me up. However, I just did not want to talk to this guy at all. He'd ask me a question and I would give a one word answer. I know that probably sounds rude, but I just didn't want to be there. I knew I should have cancelled. It was just terrible.

After having a rather lovely dinner of sausage and mash with gravy, I started to get chest pains. I've eaten my food a little too quickly there, haven't I? Oh well, I'm sure the pain will go shortly. 20 minutes later I was dizzy and the pain had worsened. I apologised and felt awful, but I had to leave.

As soon as I got in, I whipped my bra off, lay down for 5 minutes and I was fine again.

It wasn't an excuse to get out of a date, although I'm not sure how much longer I could've stayed there.

I was supposed to be meeting my fuck buddy, Tattoo Guy, this evening but he's cancelled due to injury. Oh what to do? I start speaking to Hull Guy. He wants to take me out for dinner. Tonight. It's currently 5.35pm and he's just popped into the shower and then he's driving down. I've booked us a table at a beautiful restaurant and this night is very unexpected.

Apologies but I need to go and get ready for a random date with a man from Hull.